The Date Rape Drug Is An Urban Myth. Let’s Put It to Rest. – The Sexist

How has the “date rape drug” myth gained so much traction in the public consciousness? The study floats a theory: The worry over “date rape drugs” helps “give shape to otherwise nebulous threats,” in turn”allowing us to displace worry about other, less manageable threats.” We drum up concern over the risk of “date rape drugs”—then devise strategies for managing that risk—because it’s easier than actually doing the business of preventing rape. It’s easier to keep your thumb over your bottle than it is to stop your boyfriend from raping you. It’s easier to take your drink to the bathroom than to understand why a person you trust would assault you. It’s easier to tell grown women what to do than to teach our children not to grow up to be rapists. And it is a whole lot easier to avoid a crime that rarely happens than to prevent the type of sexual assaults that occur every single day.

via washingtoncitypaper.com

She’s Your Biggest Fan

Rejecting people, whether you’re doing it blatantly (“Go away and leave me alone”) or indirectly (“Oh, I’m actually really busy this weekend, maybe another time”) is actually an awkward and uncomfortable situation that nobody enjoys. Very, very few people in this world ENJOY being an asshole or hurting someone else’s feelings.

Now imagine having to do this on an almost daily basis. There’s nothing gratifying about it, in fact it becomes frustrating and tedious. It also explains why women seem to complain about guys hitting on them or about guys being creepy — they have to reject them and rejecting someone is generally an unpleasant or uncomfortable experience.

Guys who have the perception of women as these ego-centric creatures who laugh at us from their sexual mountain-tops, doling out which man gets (a chance at) the divine pussy-access and which man gets to squander away his time in solitude — it doesn’t work like that.

Think about it. Why do women spend so much time and effort on their appearance? Why do they go to singles’ bars and join dating sites and give blind dates a try? They don’t do it so that they can revel in rejecting a bunch of guys. They’re just as lonely and frustrated as we are. They want to meet a guy. But not just a guy, a great guy. A guy who is confident, charming, fun and interesting.

She wants YOU to be that guy. She’s secretly rooting for you. She doesn’t want to reject you. Every time a new guy walks up to her, she’s secretly saying to herself, “Please, please, please be the guy. Be the attractive guy that I can’t say no to.” And then he nervously stutters around buying her a drink and makes uncomfortable jokes about the weather and she’s back to that horribly uncomfortable position of having to reject him again.

via practicalpickup.com

Les Sapeurs: Gentlemen Of The Congo

May I present La Société des Ambianceurs et Persons Élégants or in English: the Society for the Advancement of People of Elegance.

As that is a mouthful so it is just SAPE. “Sape” comes from a French slang that means “dressing with class” and the term Sapeur is an African word that refers to someone that is dressed with great elegance. The Sapeurs as the name suggests are elegant and stylish men from Congo who roam the streets of Brazzaville and Bacongo in Western suits and usually with cigars, and the occasional pipe, between their lips. These are men who are so obsessed with looking good and designer clothes that they sometimes place more importance on clothes than anything else.

A look at the history of the SAPE

The first Grand Sapeur was G.A. Matsoua, who in 1922 was the first Congolese to return from Paris dressed entirely in French clothes. While it is not entirely clear where exactly the SAPE movement started from, it appears to have been heavily promoted by Papa Wemba, a pioneer soukous (African rumba) musician who in the 1970s began upholding the Sapeur culture as a set of moral codes with heavy emphasis on high standards of personal cleanliness, hygiene and smart dress among Congolese youths regardless of societal differences.

This moral code, however, also had a political motive. Papa Wemba initially introduced the culture as a challenge to the strict dress codes that were imposed by the government at that time who effectively outlawed Western styles of dress. In 1974 after the DRC had recently come out of colonisation and had gained its independence from France, the government lead by Mobutu Sese Seko banned all European and Western styles of imported clothing in favour of a return to traditional African clothing. Papa Wemba challenged these strict dress codes by insisting that it should be a pleasure rather than a crime to wear clothes from Paris and by setting an example for impressionable young men by dressing outlandishly. At this time, the culture also was heavily associated with music, since Papa Wemba supported young talented musicians such as Koffi Olomide.

via racialicious.com

The sapeurs of the Congo have made fashion a religion. I wonder what would happen, if a fashion arms race began in a place that could better afford it, such as Silicon Valley?

Les Sapeurs: Gentlemen Of The Congo

May I present La Société des Ambianceurs et Persons Élégants or in English: the Society for the Advancement of People of Elegance.

As that is a mouthful so it is just SAPE. “Sape” comes from a French slang that means “dressing with class” and the term Sapeur is an African word that refers to someone that is dressed with great elegance. The Sapeurs as the name suggests are elegant and stylish men from Congo who roam the streets of Brazzaville and Bacongo in Western suits and usually with cigars, and the occasional pipe, between their lips. These are men who are so obsessed with looking good and designer clothes that they sometimes place more importance on clothes than anything else.

A look at the history of the SAPE

The first Grand Sapeur was G.A. Matsoua, who in 1922 was the first Congolese to return from Paris dressed entirely in French clothes. While it is not entirely clear where exactly the SAPE movement started from, it appears to have been heavily promoted by Papa Wemba, a pioneer soukous (African rumba) musician who in the 1970s began upholding the Sapeur culture as a set of moral codes with heavy emphasis on high standards of personal cleanliness, hygiene and smart dress among Congolese youths regardless of societal differences.

This moral code, however, also had a political motive. Papa Wemba initially introduced the culture as a challenge to the strict dress codes that were imposed by the government at that time who effectively outlawed Western styles of dress. In 1974 after the DRC had recently come out of colonisation and had gained its independence from France, the government lead by Mobutu Sese Seko banned all European and Western styles of imported clothing in favour of a return to traditional African clothing. Papa Wemba challenged these strict dress codes by insisting that it should be a pleasure rather than a crime to wear clothes from Paris and by setting an example for impressionable young men by dressing outlandishly. At this time, the culture also was heavily associated with music, since Papa Wemba supported young talented musicians such as Koffi Olomide.

via racialicious.com

The sapeurs of the Congo have made fashion a religion. I wonder what would happen, if a fashion arms race began in a place that could better afford it, such as Silicon Valley?

The Benefits of Non-Monogamy

1. Non-monogamy forces each partner to continue to work proactively on the relationship. Truthfully, even in monogamous situations, each partner should continue to work proactively on the relationship, but how many of us actually do? When we can put the official stamp on a relationship and say “This person is my girlfriend/boyfriend,” there is a sense of safety and security that, while often pleasant, also allows us to slack off and take our partner for granted. We gain weight, get slovenly, treat our partner dismissively, or otherwise fail to continue to seduce, because we know that our partner is being fenced in by an agreement that if he cheats on us he will be ubiquitously deemed an asshole by our entire social circle. This isn’t exactly the greatest motivation to stay with someone. Too often, this kind of pattern results in cheating anyway, or in the breakup of the relationship, or one leading to the other. Look at the divorce rate. When you box someone into a relationship, that relationship is still only as good as what’s inside (or outside) the box. In a non-monogamous situation, however, we are aware that we must constantly strive to earn our partner’s commitment, and it makes us better at being in the relationship. We wake up every day knowing that we owe it to our partner to be their best option, just as much today as the day we first won them, and we have the confidence to know that our partner is spending his time with us because he chooses to, not because his word obligates him to it. 

via ardenleigh.typepad.com

I’ve always thought of myself as monogamous. But upon reading this, I realized that this is how I’ve approached all my relationships. I want whomever I’m with to be with me, not out of any sense of obligation, but because they think that I’m awesome and they don’t want anyone else. And if they do want someone else more than me, they should go for them instead, provided that they let me know, _in advance_, so that I can take into account the additional risk.

‘Hookups’ can turn into meaningful relationships, study suggests

n an analysis of relationship surveys, UI sociologist Anthony Paik found that average relationship quality was higher for individuals who waited until things were serious to have sex compared to those who became sexually involved in “hookups,” “friends with benefits,” or casual dating relationships.

But having sex early on wasn’t to blame for the disparity. When Paik factored out people who weren’t interested in getting serious, he found no real difference in relationship quality. That is, couples who became sexually involved as friends or acquaintances and were open to a serious relationship ended up just as happy as those who dated and waited.

via sciencedaily.com

Peak Break-Up Times On Facebook

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via informationisbeautiful.net

Via Jon Osborne.

To the brain, getting burned, getting dumped feel the same

Science has finally confirmed what anyone who’s ever been in love already knows: Heartbreak really does hurt.

In a new study using functional magnetic resonance imaging (fMRI), researchers have found that the same brain networks that are activated when you’re burned by hot coffee also light up when you think about a lover who has spurned you.

In other words, the brain doesn’t appear to firmly distinguish between physical pain and intense emotional pain. Heartache and painful breakups are “more than just metaphors,” says Ethan Kross, Ph.D., the lead researcher and an assistant professor of psychology at the University of Michigan, in Ann Arbor.

The study, which was published in the journal Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences, illuminates the role that feelings of rejection and other emotional trauma can play in the development of chronic pain disorders such as fibromyalgia, Kross says. And, he adds, it raises interesting questions about whether treating physical pain can help to relieve emotional pain, and vice versa.

via cnn.com

What Women Find Physically Attractive in Men

“Overall, body attractiveness was a better predictor of self-reported mating success than facial attractiveness. In line with our main hypothesis, we found a positive relationship between a composite measure of men’s physical fitness (PF) and men’s body attractiveness. This was obtained not only for aggregated attractiveness ratings but also for all 27 female raters individually. This finding is remarkable because individual attractiveness judgments reflect a strong idiosyncratic component, at least for faces. Attractiveness judgments were made fast and effortless. The strength of the attractiveness-fitness relation- ship obtained here suggests that signalling physical fitness may be one of the key functions of male attractiveness.”

via evolvify.com

Vicky, Christina, Barcelona – We’ll make love scene

via youtube.com

Man, Javier Bardem exudes charisma.